Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Beginning

So... this is how it starts. I have not officially blogged before, I have my myspace page and my facebook page but its not the same thing I guess. I hope that this page will reveal my great love for my Lord and Savior, even in my dark times. Like today.

Today is sad. I sorrow. A very near and dear loved one is addicted to drugs, started with pain pills, but will abuse anything that she can get her hands on. It is breaking me at my very core. So many things I "want" to say, and yet I don't want to say anything that might push her over the edge, and I do believe that she is very close to that edge.

She has talked about suicide. Can't discern if she means it or is using it to try and manipulate me. Wonder if it matters. She could actually hurt herself even if she is only trying to manipulate. I want to express to her how it affects me, but I know that she can't hear me. She is locked into herself and only hears the drugs calling, tempting, promising... not realizing that the only fulfillment of that promise is destruction. Destruction of her life, her family, her children.

Her counselor told me that addicts cannot see tomorrow, only the here and now. How sad that the promise that tomorrow is a new day has no meaning for them. Lost.

On days like today, when I am just so deeply sad and scared, my only comfort is my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I cling desperately to him. I do not feel the warmth of his loving embrace, but I know he is there. "I know the sun is shining even when I feel it not". Or perhaps that should be Son. God is good.

He is the only balm for my wounds, for my wounds are not physical but spiritual. I have been pierced through my heart. Thankfully, He holds my soul. The song that has been on my heart for a week now is the Revelation Song. "Glory, Glory, Glory to the Lord God Almighty Who was and is and is to come!" He is coming. Doesn't matter when. It is a promise and one I hold fast to. He will return for his bride, the church.

Pray for the addicted and the afflicted. They are someone's child, sister, brother, mother. They leave behind collateral damage no matter where their journey takes them.